DISCLAIMER: I have discovered that by writing the way I have been feeling in a lot of posts recently, that friends and family are worried. Please know that I don’t write these things to cause anyone to worry or worse, feel sorry for me. I’m not looking for empathy and help…I simply need an outlet to share my story. My hope is that I can help a few of you see that things like “Depression” are OK. You are not alone.
Today has been particularly rough. I have started taking the anti-depressant medication, “Zoloft,” which has left me feeling a bit lifeless and unable to eat. I’m going to stick it out though and see if it doesn’t start to help me feel better in a week or so.
I spent the morning crying and feeling really down on myself. In one of my crying fits, I finally just asked Heavenly Father if he would let one of my sisters or my mom know that I needed help. I’m too embarrassed to ask them myself…because I’m really ok. (To all those reading this…I REALLY AM OK….I’m just on crazy medication.)
Heavenly Father heard my prayers and no sooner than ten minutes later, my sister-in-law Melissa called and said, “How about a girls day!” Melissa, her sister, Bekah, and my mother-in-law are all headed to Provo to have a girls day with me. What a blessing.
As soon as I got off the phone, I felt the terrible dread of having to get myself ready, and then having to appear happy around them.
Blessing #2: A text message then came from Melissa that said: “ONLY GET YOU READY! 🙂 we’re coming to help clean the house and do dishes!”
Heavenly Father really does know who I am, and he knows exactly what I need.
He knows you too…if you give Him a chance, he will bless your life immeasurably.
ps Thank you Tingey gals for being so in-tune with the Spirit. Love you all!
Today I finished rereading “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe” by: C.S. Lewis; and I thank him for reminding me of 3 of the most precious things in life:
Two of my three beautiful nieces
“And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and becomeas little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” – Matthew 18:3
Children are such a precious gift. As we spend time nurturing them we must grow to be like them. The wonderful story of children entering Narnia and becoming valiant, virtuous, and nobel Kings and Queens reminds me that it is in becoming like a child that I will obtain my birthright of returning to the Kingdom of God to one day become a Queen myself.
A painting by Rothko: an artist who found truth and beauty in simplicity
This book is written so simply; in a way that anyone could understand it. This has reminded me that things do not have to be complex to be glorious. Simplifying is always the answer.
3. My Savior
One of my favorite depictions of the Savior appearing to Mary Magdalene after the Resurrection
Above all, “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe” is a profound testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. C.S. Lewis paints a heart-felt metaphor of the Savior’s pain in the garden and suffering on the cross through Aslan’s sacrifice for not only Edmund, but all the creatures of Narnia. He reminds us that because of the Atonement and the love of our Savior, good will ALWAYS conquer evil and spring will undoubtably come forth our of the darkest winter.
I am so grateful for my Savior and I am grateful to C.S. Lewis for finding such a creative and beautiful way to share his unwavering testimony.
To learn more about my beliefs about Jesus Christ and the Atonement, visit: lds.org or mormon.org.
Today I am so grateful for creative expression. I am currently sitting in my car, parked on the aide of the road. It’s about 9:30pm and I’m listening to NPR late night jazz. There is a particularly twangy piece on now, and I’m loving it. It’s seeping into all those little empty places in my soul and filling it with twangy sunshine.
Today was filled with wondrous creativity:
I had so much fun with my middle school dancers. We projected giant silhouettes of ourselves in positive/negative shapes on the wall.
I was able to hear Kendall play an original song. I loved it.
The cherry on top was dancing with my dear Stephanie White. There is such a joyous creative realease that comes with dancing.
The smell of wood and sawdust, paint chemicals in the air, the distant sound of a saw…This my friends is the Healing Power of Home Depot.
Today I ventured into the lovely land of home improvement (I went to Lowes first…then Home Depot). It brought healing to my soul. These stores just feel me with creative thought and excitement of things that could be if only I took the time, money, and energy to construct. EMM I just LOVE IT! I told my mother this, and she said “you must get that from your dad.” And it’s true. I totally do. Some of my favorite memories are going to the hardware store with pops.
I walked away today with 30 5′ PVC pipes. I am starting a my modern dance unit in school on Monday. We are going to be learning the concepts of Space through using props. One of my lucky classes gets to help me create a dance using the PVC pipes. Since the pipes are white, I am taking it a step further and making it a black-light dance. One word: SWEET!
I love my life. I love my dad. I love being creative. I love Home Depot. (My name is Kelli Tingey, and I’m a Mormon…It just feels right to tag that on the end…ha ha).
Today, and everyday for that matter, Kendall got me laughing. While I almost always give him a hard time for making me laugh, I am actually very, very grateful. Nothing feels better than a little laugh now and again.
Thank you also to Cindy, Little Cam, and my students for bringing laughter into my day today.
This is one of my favorite movie quotes of all time. It if from “Arsenic and Old Lace,” a classic 1940’s mystery staring Cary Grant. I highly recommend it. Click here for more info on the movie…you can even rent it for 2.99 if your heart so desires.
Today I have feel like I found “Kelli” again. Although I was once again diagnosed with Clinical Depression at yet another doctors appointment, today was a great day. I woke up happy and even put on my bright pink pants (which my students loved…haha). I had my crazy energy back at work and found myself talking fast and jumping up and down in excitement as I was teaching my students. At the end of the day, I turned to one of my students, the president of my hip-hop club, and said: “I feel like Kelli is back.” He said, “yeah, you seem more like yourself today.”
So, I start taking Anti-Depressant medication tomorrow, and hopefully I can start feeling like myself everyday. But for now, my blessing for the day is DEFINITELY finding “Kelli” again.
Kendall was nothing short of a miracle in my life last Monday. I came home from work and he was folding the laundry. He helped with dinner, and even helped clean up things I didn’t ask him too. I love the man. Monday was proof to me that a little help goes a long way.